Dreading My Endocinologist Appointment!

I had my quarterly endocrinologist appointment last week. I was not looking forward to this one. I admit that because although I am The Diabetes Coach, I hate to confess when I am not in the best BG control. I realize that this is what makes my job special. It does not mean that I am perfect. I live with diabetes and all of the imperfections that this disease carries. This is how I identify with others. I know the feelings leading up to the appointment, the feelings during and following. Fear, frustration, guilt, hope and relief all go through my body before , during and after one single appointment. Always!

I like my endocrinologist. She is a dedicated lady, personable and extremely knowledgeable. I, just like everyone else, have to follow the office protocol from time to time. I realize that I have seen the PA at each of my last three visits instead of my endo. The reason why, I am not sure. The good news, is that I like the PA too. She remembers me- shock! She is real. She is knowledgeable and not trying to prove anything that she doesn’t need to in order to gain respect.

I was sweating this appointment. You know the feeling. My BGs are elevated. My weight is up (and I mean big time! Like 15-17 lbs. up), my BGs have been a living rollercoaster for the last 4 weeks, at least. I have had to increase every basal rate on my pump. I feel like I am over-correcting hourly. I can always turn to blaming my poor choices, any poor choices. Food, diet, lack of exercise, stress, hectic schedule and not taking this as seriously as I should.

The stress of the “should haves”, “could haves” and “would haves” are relentless. My A1C was up. It was not over the charts. In fact is was .1 down from my last blood draw. I had just expected it to be higher. I know that this is not a free pass. I know that the only reason it is in a decent range, is because I’ve averaged out my highs with super lows.

The best feeling was being given some simple recommendations from this PA. She did not lecture me about trying harder or doing things better. She recommended some ratio changes. How simple does that sound? I was relieved! Why? I always think that we will be told to try harder and I am grateful to be treated like a patient and not a noncompliant one in that. I remembered that my body can change and resist the patterns with which it has gotten used to living. I tell my younger clients this all the time. I simply forgot that it can happen as you get older also.

I was relieved that she didn’t lecture me about my diet. Yes, I recently had a birthday. I have eaten a few more carbs and had a few more glasses of wine than usual. I have been under a lot of stress. I am an emotional eater and I know it. That still does not justify 17 lbs. She also reminded me that I have nearly tripled my total daily dose of insulin.  True, I usually am a very low dose diabetic. I am a low carb eater and control much of my BG swings by not adding many variables (carbs). I haven’t tripled my daily dose since pregnancy! No wonder I have packed on the pounds!

I was relieved that this young girl took the time to talk to me like I was an intelligent patient that needed some adjustments. There are so many times in this life with this disease that we simply have to throw our hands up and just guess! I was glad that there were some strategic plays involved here and am happy to report that my TDD is lower and I haven’t been swinging out of control for a few days now. I know that is not long in the big scheme of things. In the life of a diabetic however, a few days can feel like eternity!  Thank you to this PA for the relief which has now led to a feeling of more control. That is a step in the right direction.

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